Fear Friday

I'm afraid that the world will realize that this is as good as I can do. That I have lived up to my potential. That I have actually surpassed any reasonable expectations.

I was one of those kids who was constantly told that I wasn't applying myself by the adults in my life. An aunt recently alluded to the fact that my unplanned pregnancy (Lullah) completely ruined my life (her opinion, NOT mine). That particular branch of my family still pushes me to finish college. EVERY visit at some point comes around to the "when are you going to start back to school" conversation. So now I'm one of those adults who feel like I've somehow let the world down by not "being all I'm capable of".

The thing is, what if this is IT? What if this is as good as I can do? What if I am splattered, smooshed against the glass ceiling of my life? What if everyone realizes it? What then?