Wednesday, November 30, 2005

I guess I should apologize...

I guess I should apologize to everyone, because apparently I suck.

BitchPhD has posted her "radical-married- feminist-manifesto". It has stirred considerable debate. At last check there were over 200 comments. Wow. I think she's stirred the pot.

I adore BitchPhD. She makes me think, she makes me laugh. Both accomplishments I value greatly. I completely enjoy BitchPhD's blog and found myself nodding in agreement with her post on numerous points. I also read the article she's blogging about(it can be found here) and found myself doing the same. The article and Bitch's blog entry take on the issue of educated women opting out of the work force.

Here's my problem. I consider myself a feminist. I've come to the realization that there are probably alot of other feminists who would disagree and say that I am not. The article BitchPhD references kinda smacked me in the face with that fact. The stay-at-home-mom debate is apparently alive and well and I guess I'm on the wrong side of the argument. After reading the article, I felt extremely marginalized and diminished. Isn't that one of the things the women's' movement had hoped to end? Maybe since it's another women doing the marginalizing it's ok. (I'll stop being sarcastic now.)

I'm happy with my life. I'm essentially a stay-at-home-mom. I work as a contract nurse so I schedule work when I want to, otherwise I'm a SAHM.

I didn't end up a SAHM. I wasn't coerced into staying at home. I am not a SAHM under duress. I realize the financial ramifications of my being a SAHM (which is one of the points the article seems to focus on).

The thing is this...
I am tired of having to justify myself to other people. This decision was made by ME. I am NOT wasting my potential (as a family member attempts on a regular basis to convince me). I am not holding back the women's movement (as the article made me feel I was doing). And I am not sitting at home on my laurel's watching Oprah (as a women in Wal-Mart inferred yesterday).

I have done both full time work and been a SAHM. I worked full-time when Lullah was a baby and helped my husband finish college. I took a year off after he graduated because we knew it was a temporary placement and Lullah started a half day Kindergarten program at the same time. We were also living 3 1/2 hours away from anyone we knew. When we moved to a more permanent place, this time 7 hours away from our family, Lullah started a full day school program and I went back to work full time. Our lives stayed this way until her diabetes diagnosis. At that time, I became a SAHM to take care of her needs. It wasn't a difficult decision. I'm a nurse, Mike is an engineer. Who was better suited to take care of things?

We were able to move closer to our families eventually and at that time I once again went back to work full-time. A health crisis with Lullah precipitated another status change. My boss (a woman) told me "you have to decide which is more important, your job with us or Lullah." I decided. After the crisis abated, I was back to work full time until the last two-three years. My schedule and Lullah's has become much fuller and Mike is traveling more. And so I have worked part-time. Next year when she gets a drivers license, that will change. But for now, I can't work full-time and be the kind of mother, wife, daughter, friend and woman I want to be.

I am tired of other women beating me down because I'm a stay at home mom. Not just "feminists" either.

The woman in Wal-Mart (I had considered her a friend) said "it must be nice to not HAVE to work." Among other things. I didn't bother to point out that almost every stick of furniture in my house is second hand, my husband's truck is 7 years old, umm I was in the clothing department of Wal Mart (not Saks). We ain't exactly living a jet set lifestyle.

The family member (an aunt) probably 90% of the time pointedly asks "when are you starting back to school". The implication is that until I am, I'm wasting time and taking up space.

I'm tired of it y'all. Call me crazy but I thought the women's movement was about choice. Individual choice. Guess I was wrong.

Monday, November 28, 2005

A decision to make...

I have throughout my life been on and off various anti-depressant medications. Specifically zoloft, serzone and lexapro. Not at the same time. :-) At present I am unmedicated.

The first time I took an anti-depressant (zoloft) was sometime in the early 90's. I wasn't overly impressed with the results. I felt somewhat better, but I couldn't pinpoint that is was actually the medication. When I titrated off of it, I didn't notice it being gone. Of course, back then I was a bit of a mess all the time so how would I have known the difference. I just wasn't as sad as I had been.

The last time I was on medication was about a year ago. My depression seems to do that. It cycles. I'll feel ok for a year or so, then wham! Out of the blue, I don't. The last time I was beginning to have suicidal thoughts before I finally admitted I'd better do something. I'd been off any kind of medication for about 3 years at that point and I just didn't want to go back to a daily regimen again. I take daily medication for a hypothyroid and I have a terrible time remembering to take it, I didn't want to add another pill to forget.

About 2 months ago, I realized I wasn't feeling right. My mood was labile. I don't want to be around people (a sure sign-I love socializing). My insomnia is way worse than usual. All signs that the ship is arriving.

But, I just don't want to take anything. Partly because I'm lazy, partly because... well I just don't. I know it's crazy, but I want to just get better. I want to do it on my own. I want to just be...normal. I HATE taking medicine. Of any kind.

At any rate, I'm trying to decide whether to call the doc and get a new scrip for something. Or wait and hope it passes.

Damn it.

My furry boys...

Yet another adorable picture of his Highness Buttercup.

And introducing-Popsicle the Wonder Cat.

And Rollo the Magnificent.

These are a little blurry because I took them with my cell phone. I don't have a good pic of my furry girl, Cookie. Maybe soon.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Post-Thanksgiving Post

The final Thanksgiving meal is done. Whew.

Thanksgiving is a weird holiday for me. My mom never made too much of a thing of it. I can remember seeing TV families celebrating. The dad carving the turkey at the table. Do people actually do that? Ours was always electric knifed and plattered on the table, ready to consume. The TV families always seemed odd to me.

Thanksgiving was of course about the food and being thankful and all that crap. But what Thanksgiving really meant (and means) to me is the day CHRISTMAS STARTS!

Once the dishes were done and put away the real fun began. Down came the ornaments, down came the tree (artificial-real ones are too messy and make me itch like a mofo). This was the official kick off to Christmas at my house. Wheeeeeeeeee!

My Mom decorates for Christmas.

She was Martha-ing up the joint before there was Martha. The women will decorate anything that will hold still long enough. And it is always beautiful.

My Mother's tree is always the most beautiful tree I've ever seen. When we were kids, it was covered in ornaments that we'd made or picked out. It was still gorgeous. My mom was the first person I knew who used clear lights. She was the first person to use solid colored lights. When multicolored lights were back in vogue-she was a year ahead of everyone else.

When she "changes" her tree Mom doesn't go to the local Hobby Lobby and buy a Christmas Tree Kit. She goes everywhere. She will sometimes use some things she already has on hand and add to them. She usually picks up things at different places. Including the grocery store. She never spends outrageous amounts of money either. She says that'd be silly, since she'll want to change everything in a year or two anyway. Gotta love her.

I love my Mom's house at Christmas. We lived in a trailer when I was a kid and I remember thinking that our house was the prettiest one in town at Christmas. It was.

My Mom and step-Dad live in a beautiful log house now. By the time my Mom finishes this year it will look like a magazine. They came over this evening and we had Thanksgiving with them. After the dishes were in the dishwasher, we started on my trees.

Lullah had put her tree up Thanksgiving afternoon (it's extremely pretty and very pink). So we put the one in the living room together and the three tiny trees in my dining room together. We'll finish the decorating tomorrow.

My mom had a stroke one October evening 5 years ago. You would never know it if you saw her on the street today. That Christmas was the only year that she has't completely decorated her house. Lullah and I broke in and put the tree up while she was at physical therapy. But it wasn't the same. I just can't do the things my Mom can do with floral wire, greenery and some balls. Seriously.

So on this and every Thanksgiving one of the things I am thankful for is Christmas.

My Mom is still here to help me get my Martha on and I see sparks of her ability in Lullah every year. I love Thankschristmas.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

November 24, 1997

November 24, 1997 Lullah was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes. The Monday before Thanksgiving. Tomorrow is her anniversary.

Probably part of the reason I don't particularly enjoy Thanksgiving.

Mike (the hubby) was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes January 15, 1992.

My birthday. I don't particularly enjoy my birthday anymore either.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Birth control woes...OR a ring-a-ding-ding.

I went on the pill at age 15. I remained on it until I got pregnant with Lullah. No one had bothered to school me to the fact that antibiotics pretty much make your BCPs about as effective as Tic-Tacs. But I digress.

In 1993 I began searching for an alternative method of birth control. I was getting lazy about taking my BCP at the same time every day. I occasionally missed pills. Waiting for my period was stress my broke 22 year old ass didn't need. So, after dismissing Norplant as an option and my MD poo-pooing my questions about IUDs, we settled on a new medication on the market. Depo-Provera. A shot. Every 3 months. That was something I could definitely do.

I LOOOVED Depo. It worked wonderful. I was a little nauseated the first 2 weeks after my initial injection, but that was it. Oh, and joy of all joys-NO period. I didn't have a period. EVER. Yay! I was very pleased with Depo.

I have remained on Depo except for 2 brief intervals. Both were caused by out of state moves. I wanted time to find a good gyno and so I briefly went back on the pill until I could do so.

Last January at my regular yearly lady visit, my gyno informs me that he'd like to take me off of Depo. Apparently it can cause irreversible osteoporosis. I had a bone scan done and things were pretty much ok, but he still wanted me off the shots. And so, once again I became a pill packing mamma.

Y'all I HATE birth control pills. I can't remember to take the damn things. When I do remember, I have to take 2, sometimes 3 at a time. Then of course I'm pukey. I hate the cutesy packaging. I hate the little tinfoil circle thing left after you push them out. I hate them. Hate them. Hate. Them. I just do.

Which brings me to yesterday. After, yet again,tensely waiting on my period to arrive. I was officially in search of a new method of birth control. Hooray.

I called the gyno office asking about a prescription for the BC patches. The nurse was very sweet but apparently, they will kill you. They have an increased incidence of blood clots. She suggested the new NuvaRing (the site has cutesy music, blech).

At this point, I'd try just about anything. I'm sick of waiting with bated breath for my period. I'm sick of the whole pill mess. So, after asking a few questions about it. I said ok. She said they'd call it in for me. ( I of course also checked out what info I could find on the internet)

Trip to the pharmacy to pick up my new NuvaRing. You could feel this semi-hard ring thing through the foil envelope. Weird. Get home, open sesame and there it is. The clear O-ring that caused the Challenger to explode. A clear, baby sized version of those stupid plastic bracelets I wore en masse in 8th grade. A small plastic shower curtain ring. Weird.

Read instructions. I have to say, I especially love the cartoon lady squatting, laying and standing with one leg precariously raised. I chose a cartoon lady to emulate (I won't tell which) and plunged forward. Pun intended. Weird.

So far so good. I was a little queasy within about an hour of placement, but that comes and goes. I figure that will eventually go away. But I'm hopeful. The nurse said I can manipulate my periods with the ring, so that I skip a period if I want. I plan on doing just that. Plus now I can make all sorts of Lord of the Rings references to freak out the H.

This is the thing.

First, I'd love to see the first memo regarding the ring. Did somebody say "hey, a plastic ring! I bet women would TOTALLY put a plastic ring in their vaginas?"

Second, the discussions about color had to be funny. You know some ass suggested pink. "Cuz girls like pink".

Third and this is my main point. Why in the hell did I have be the one to stick ANYTHING anywhere? It's a poor beaten dead horse, I know. But it pisses me off that the responsibility for birth control lands pretty much in my FEMALE lap. Don't get me wrong, the H has suggested and he will probably eventually have a vasectomy. But in the meantime, why do I have to put something in my body that puts me at risk for stroke, heart attack, blood clots and god knows what else?

Why is the only birth control option for men a condom? It ain't right. It just ain't right.

In my opinion when we talk about women's reproductive rights this is an issue we must address. You can't lay the entire responsibility for PREVENTING pregnancy in my lap and then tell me that if I screw up and don't prevent a pregnancy I have no more say in the matter.

I'm pro-choice. For a lot of reasons. The search for new birth control just reminded me of one of the reasons.

Lullah Gulfport MS

Three summers ago.

Insomnia and memories...

My family has been going to Gulf Port, Mississippi since I was 12 years old. We would spend a week at the end of June. We've stayed at the same place each time. That place is now gone.

I read the post on thatfarmgirls site and couldn't help but think of the changes that Katrina has wrought.

New Orleans and Gulf Port are intertwined in my memories. We would usually go and spend the day in New Orleans while we were on the Gulf (that's what we always called the week we were there, our week on the Gulf).

Like most families, we have vacation traditions.
We've only missed one summer going to the Marine Life Oceanarium. We always went to Haagen dazs at least once. I had Key Lime pie at least once. We'd walk on the beach at night at least once. We bought peanuts to feed the squirrels. We ate fried shrimp until we thought we'd never want shrimp again.

The Oceanarium is destroyed.

The pool you see in the middle left is where Lullah swam with a dolphin. The largest circle was the main dolphin tank. Lullah saw her first baby dolphin there. This was where the sea lion gave her a smooch on the cheek. He didn't survive. He was one of the sea lions you may have seen on the news coverage.

The mall where we ate ice cream is gone. Our favorite place for shrimp po-boys is gone. It's all gone.

Every inch of Beach Boulevard holds some memory for me. I'm just a tourist and my heart breaks everytime I think about it. The people of the Gulf have received such a devastating loss. I cannot imagine their grief.

It's been weeks since Katrina hit. Things will never be the same, but they will be ok. Maybe even better. In the coming year and probably the next few years, the Gulf coast and New Orleans area will need help. Financial, spiritual and emotional. Please don't forget what Katrina left in her wake.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Thoughts and tears

New Orleans holds a weird and special place in my life. I have truly wonderful memories of New Orleans. I have memories I'd rather not have. It is at once a mythical magic place and I place I wish I'd never heard of.

I went to thatfarmgirls blog this evening and found the following and cried:

There's not a working clock in this entire city. This morning I went on my walk and the big clock by St. Patrick's Church on Camp said it was 2:30, as I walked on the Whitney clock said it was 11:15 and by the time I hit the French Quarter a clock there told me quite firmly that it was 6:00 o'clock.I'm not really surprised at this' New Orleans has always had a problem with time. Time is not linear here. This is a city where people live in two-hundred-year old houses, have wireless Internet and use 600-year-old recipes while singing 60's songs to their newborns. Time is more of a mental game in New Orleans, you can pick the year you liked the best and stay in that year for the rest of your life here and no one says a thing. You can talk about your great-great-grandparents as if they were still alive and talk about your neighbors as if they were dead, we all understand.Time marches to its own drunk drummer here. This morning as I walked into the Quarter on Chartres, a woman ran out of a cafe to greet me, "Hey dahlin" she yelled as she hugged me, "Where ya been?" I looked at her and realized it was one of the exotic dancers from the smaller establishments on Chartres. Over the years I'd become friendly with several of the dancers as I would take my morning walk, we'd smile, wave, exchange pleasantries. This morning I realized that even though I had said hello to this woman three times a week for four years, I didn't know her name. I smiled, hugged her back and told her how badly I felt that I never knew her name and she laughed "Dahlin, you know my name, it's Baby!" Time to laugh out loud.Twenty minutes later as I walked up Royal from Esplanade on my way out of the Quarter, a dark sedan stopped in the street right by the Cathedral and all four doors opened at once. I was twittering with curiosity when the driver hopped out, ran to the other side and escorted a smiling Lindy Boggs out of the car. Before I could stop myself I'd yelled out, "Hey Lindy, good to see ya!" Mrs. Boggs, accustomed to such raffish behavior, smiled and yelled out "Hey yourself" as she waved, laughed and headed to church, surely thinking it's time to pray for better manners for the likes of me.We're dealing with a lot of time issues these days, time to meet the insurance specialist, time to call FEMA, time to put out the refrigerator, time to get a new refrigerator, time to decide whether to stay in New Orleans or head elsewhere, time to register the kids for school, time to sell the house, time to buy the house, time to find a job, time to leave a job, time to figure out the rest of your life.Could we maybe, while dealing with all those time issues, take a minute and remember? Remember that there was a time when all of this was different, there was a time when slaves were sold in Napoleon House, a time when Mid City was considered the country, a time when people staged sit ins downtown, a time when there was no McDonalds or Wendy's or even Popeye's, a time when the Quarter burned, a time when people spoke French or Spanish, a time when the Opera House was open, a time when this was all uninhabited, a time when your refrigerator worked, your house was whole, your neighborhood wasn't flooded and your city wasn't defined by a Hurricane.More than any other city in this country, this is a city defined by the quality of the times people have had here. Maybe it's because it's a port city, maybe it's because of the food, maybe it's because of the heat, but this city remembers everyone who has ever lived, loved and laughed here. People visit us because they can feel the difference as soon as they get here, they can feel how time is honored here, in the time to craft our houses and the time to make a roux. They can feel that the city holds all of our memories, our joys, our sorrows and our triumphs. That any time spent in New Orleans is kept in the breath, air, water and sky of New Orleans. What happens in Vegas may stay in Vegas, but what happens in New Orleans changes the city and its people, minute by minute, day by day, year by year so that we can't help but live in the past, present and future.Time will tell what we will end up looking like, how strong the levees will be, how many houses will be repaired, but we will tell time how strong the people of New Orleans are, how deep our commitments to each other are and that sometimes the best stories are the ones we write for ourselves.Once upon a time in a city called New Orleans...
posted by thatfarmgirl at
12:57 PM on Nov 21 2005

And now presenting...


This is Lullah's cat, Buttercup. He's one big ball of fluffy love. He really is the sweetest cat we own.

She'd broke her leg in 3rd grade and was home bound for 3 1/2 months. We'd been to the doctor and went by the pet supply to purchase some cat food. At the time we only had one cat, Popsicle, so I fed top grade cat food. (Those days are gone by the way). They had a litter of half persian kittens that were free with a $20 purchase.

One sack of Science Diet and a cat toy later, Buttercup was ours.

He sat in her lap pretty much the entire 3 1/2 months. When she finally had to go back to school he was miserable. He still whines for about a week when school starts after summer. I have to leave her door open, because he will think she's in her room otherwise. It is truly pitiful to see 15 pounds of fluff cry at her bedroom door.

We think he's beautiful, but that's just us.

At any rate, we love him.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

I got tagged!

MamaKBear Tagged me, so here goes.

Rules are as follows:
Remove the blog at #1 from the following list and bump everyone up one place; add your blog to the #5 spot.
Here's Your Sign
MamaKBear's World
Kim's World
Select 5 new friends to piss off.
I'll add these later.

What were you doing 10 years ago? Living in Texas. Married with a 5 year old. Hating that she was in school.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Pretty much the same thing as this year.

Five snacks you enjoy:
1. Cheese 2. Cheese dip 3. Chocolate anything 4. Oreos 5. Cherry tomatoes

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
1. Amazing Grace
2. Rapture-Blondie
3. On Jordan's Stormy Banks
4. Crazy-Patsy Cline
5. Santa Baby-Earth Kitt
(this is actually a cheat category for me, I have a weird affinity for lyrics)

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Pay off my debts.
2. Put away enough so that can go to any school she wants to.
3. Start a college fund for my nephews and niece.
4. Take my Mom and step-Dad and my in-laws on a really cool vacation.
5. Go back to work, 'cause I've spent the million with 1-4.

Five bad habits:
1. Procrastination
2. Interrupting
3. Nosiness
4. Cursing
5. Beating my self up

Five things you like doing:
1. Watching Lullah dance
2. Spending time with the hubby and Lullah.
3. Reading
4. Sleeping (I never get enough)
5. Laughing

Five things you would never wear again:
1. Jelly shoes
2. Neon socks
3. Parachute pants
4. Those crazy Z-Cavarichi pants that sort of looked like MC Hammer pants.
5. Those sequined, hand painted cotton pant suit things (matching top and pants)

Five favorite toys:
1. My computer
2. My XM radio (I am officially addicted)
3. From childhood- Barbie
4. Childhood- Easy Bake Oven
5. Childhood- Fashion Plates

Fantastic voyage...

One on Lullah's friend turns 16 today. The girls mom rented a limousine to pick the girl, Lullah and another of their friends up at school yesterday. They were completely surprised! It was pretty cool! They had a good time. Debra had bought sparkling something or other for them to sip, we'd also gotten them drinks from Sonic (their favorite place for sodas). The driver drove them around town for a bit then took them to Copeland's, about an hour away.

We met them at the restaurant and ate dinner with them. Chocolate martinis for the grown ups, cheesecake for the girls. Yum. Then we all went to see Harry Potter. Coffee after the movie.

I think they had a good day.

Friday, November 18, 2005

New titties etiquette...

Lullah had a doctors appointment in Shreveport yesterday. It's almost three hours away, so it's a whole day sort of thing. We spent the night Wednesday and got up Thursday. We shopped a little, ate some really shitty Indian food (is there a good Indian restaurant in Shreveport? If ya know PLEASE share), then went to the MD.

Appointment was at 2:30, we were leaving the office at 4:30. TWO hours later! aaaargh! We went to the SuperTarget (aaaah, life was looking up) and then decided we were starving and wanted mexican. We ended up at the Superior Grill. Yum.

We stopped by the bathroom on our way out. We had to go cups and plates so I waited while Lullah went in. A lovely blonde came down the back steps and walked past me. An older man was walking by at the same time and they obviously knew one another as evidenced by the conversation...

Lovely Blonde: HEEEY!
Older man: Hey girl! Lemme see them new titties!

She pulled her shoulders back at this point and displayed said titties.

Older man: Those look great! How many cc's?
Lovely Blonde gave a number (it was loud, I couldn't hear)

Lovely Blonde: I like them.
Older man: yeah, are they hard or soft?

She pulled her jacket away from the new titties and said

Lovely Blonde: Feel 'em!
Older man: Those are great! Who did 'em?
Lovely Blonde: Dr. ??? in Alexandria.

They waved goodbye, he went to the bathroom and she went on through the bar.

I don't think Emily Post would have approved, but it damn sure made me and the Shreveport cop standing next to me laugh.

Fear Friday

I'm afraid that the world will realize that this is as good as I can do. That I have lived up to my potential. That I have actually surpassed any reasonable expectations.

I was one of those kids who was constantly told that I wasn't applying myself by the adults in my life. An aunt recently alluded to the fact that my unplanned pregnancy (Lullah) completely ruined my life (her opinion, NOT mine). That particular branch of my family still pushes me to finish college. EVERY visit at some point comes around to the "when are you going to start back to school" conversation. So now I'm one of those adults who feel like I've somehow let the world down by not "being all I'm capable of".

The thing is, what if this is IT? What if this is as good as I can do? What if I am splattered, smooshed against the glass ceiling of my life? What if everyone realizes it? What then?

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

This is what I get for being a smarty pants...

Well, I've been puking for two days. That's what I get for calling Lullah, Talullah Pukey Pants. I haven't felt like this in I can't even remember when.

I haven't kept anything solid down since Sunday night. I'm keeping some Sprite down, but that's it.

I feel icky to say the least.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Veterans Day. (A day late)

Last night around 6:30 I stood in a small football stadium. A local pastor said a quick prayer of thanksgiving and asked for the safety of the players during the game. I pledged allegiance to the flag. The band played the national anthem.

The community we were in is in south Louisiana near Lake Charles. It was affected by the recent hurricanes. On the drive down, we saw evidence of the destruction wrought on that part of my beloved state. If we had driven further south, we would have been confronted with more destruction.

The stands across the field were filled to capacity. There were fans three deep lining the fence on both sides of the bleachers. It was a sea of purple and gold. Behind them the temporarily repaired roof of their gym could be seen. It looked like aluminum foil.

The bleachers on "our side" were also filled to almost capacity. Not just parents and grandparents either. Or just students. Fans had driven 3 hours to support a team that they love and believe in. Some of these people may have children who graduated from the school, some do not. They just wanted to show their support.

I stood in the bleachers with my hand over my heart. As the band played I thought about Veterans Day. All over the state of Louisiana the same scene was being played out. Cheerleaders were standing with pom poms over their hearts. Dance lines were standing at attention, hands over their hearts. Young men were standing on the sidelines, their helmets in their left hands, their right hands over their hearts.

Those boys on the sidelines are around the age that my grandfather was when he joined the army and was promptly knee deep in World War II. Those boys were around the age that my father-in-law who'd never left the state left for a jungle in a country he wouldn't have been able to find on the globe.

Almost every man in my family has been a member of the armed services.

One of my uncles graduated from West Point. My father volunteered for the Navy. Three uncles served in Korea with the army. One uncle was a marine. Another in the army. My grandfather was in the army.

I watched the wind catch the flag. It unfurled and whipped in the wind as the band played. Each of us there in that stadium were there because of the sacrifice that our veterans have made. Without them we would live in a different world.

That sacrifice continues. We have boys and girls a million miles away. Whether you agree with the war in Iraq or not, they are there.

I would rather they be here with us, at football stadiums, at their homes, anywhere. Just home.
But they aren't and on Veterans day, we should thank them and any veteran you know for the sacrifices they made and continue to make. Sacrifices so that we CAN sit in stadiums, in our homes, anywhere. So tell a veteran thank you.

Tallullah Pukey Pants

Lullah woke up yesterday at 6 am projectile vomiting. Lovely. By 10 am the count was 3. She insisted on going to school so she could dance at the football game. I think she just didn't want to give the sponsor ANYTHING to be happy about. She threw up once at school, but fortunately they dismissed school early because of the football game. The venue was 3 hours away.

She threw up once more here at the house. I gave 25mg of Dramamine and we left for the game at 2pm. They let her ride with me instead of the bus in case she got sick on the way. Fortunately she made to the game without throwing up. She waited until we got to the field. So I gave her 25mg more.

After she'd throw up she'd feel way better for about an hour. I wouldn't have let her go, but they weren't dancing after half-time because the band was leaving. I figured if she got to feeling too awful we could leave. She was absolutely determined to dance. "I'm not giving that woman the satisfaction of seeing me not on the field" was the phrase she used. I probably should have made her stay home, but I think it would have been one of those things that twenty years from now she'd STILL be pissed at me for. I just loaded up lots of Dramamine, juice, wet wash clothes and liners for the trash can we took with us. She's sleeping it off today. So far no puke.

I think the sponsor prayed some kind of hex on us. The girl she treated so badly last Friday had to make an early morning trip to the emergency room for abdominal pain. They thought appendix initially, but it was an inflamed colon. She's ok. She ended up dancing too. So if the sponsor (ex-sponsor) did put a hex on us. It didn't work.

We made it home without incident and she threw up once more before bedtime.

Thursday, November 10, 2005


On the way to pick Lullah up, she text messaged me ('cause we're just techno savvy like that). The Wind Suits that we asked for at the beginning of the year were in. But the sponsor wasn't giving them to the girls.

Lullah gets in the car and doubles over and starts sobbing. Great, loud, sobs.

During practice one of the girls asked if the windsuits were in. The sponsor said yes, that she had one of the jackets in the car. She went and got it, put it on and modeled it! The girls were excited of course and asked if they were getting them after practice. She said no, that the principal had said they were to be put away until next year because we probably only have one game left. She goes on to say that if THEY had been patient they would have probably gotten them. Lullah (ever tactful) asked how their lack of patience affected the delivery date of the wind suits. The sponsor looked her square in the face and said "if some of the parents hadn't complained to the principal about them not being here yet, y'all would be getting them". "But because y'all can't be patient they are being put away until next year".

This was after she had spent the entire practice according to Lullah "staring us down" while they were dancing.

She MODELED it y'all. She went to the car, got it out. Oh wait, she had to intentionally put it IN the car first. SHE MODELED IT and then told them...oops sorry y'all need to learn to keep your little impatient selves in check. aaaaaaargh!

Oh yeah, I was pissed. The co-sponsor came over to the car to get the "permission slip" for tomorrow signed. I asked her if the sponsor had actually said the mess above. She kinda frowned and said, yeah. The co-sponsor said that the sponsor neglected to tell the girls that 4 of the jackets were on back order so they wouldn't have been able to get them because of THAT.

I called the principal and left a message. I was VERY nice. I just gave a short telling of what she had said and said if he had any questions to call my cell.

After all this I had to go to Sears and buy 2 new tires. $399. I was thrilled.

The principal called me and wanted to know what happened. He was pretty appalled. He said that she does not speak for him. What he had actually said was that since she had not gotten the order in so that the suits could be in sooner that they should hold the suits until next year and the parents could buy them then. He has really been wonderful through all this. I get the distinct impression that he is NOT happy with the way she had conducted herself. After tomorrow, it will be better. His exact words.

Oh, and I've burned two extra copies of the music for tomorrow's dance. So, in case she "loses" the music we're prepared. She didn't have batteries for the radio at a pep rally this year, so I wouldn't put it past her to "lose" the music.

After tomorrow, it will be better. After tomorrow, it will be better. After tomorrow, it will be better. My new mantra.

nervous me

I'm leaving in about 30 minutes to go sit in the parking lot of the high school. Today is the last practice that the dance line sponsor is going to be oversee. Her resignation apparently takes affect after today.

The worry is this...
She makes the girls "try out" on Thursdays for the dance they are performing Friday night. If they don't know it, they have to sit out. Not usually a problem, except she has behaved exceptionally poorly toward the girls this week. Bear in mind also that noone has had to sit out a dance all year. I am very afraid that she will try to cut some of the girls. I'm not too worried about Lullah because she choreographed and then taught the dance, so she should be okay. Lord, I hope that woman doesn't try to twist the knife one good last time.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Yummy! Or so completely disgusting I am now an anorexic.

I was innocently dozing on the couch semi-listening to Regis and Kelly do their schtick. They started talking about a holiday pack available at Target. Which is only one of my FAVORITE places in the world.
This is what they were speaking of. The Jones Soda Holiday Pack is according to the Target web site....

• Complete turkey dinner, zero calories, zero carbs
• Gift pack of five, 12-fl.-oz. diet sodas
• Turkey and Gravy, Wild Herb Stuffing, Brussels Sprouts, Cranberry and Pumpkin Pie, all in bottles • Yum yum! Just like Mom used to make!
The site goes on....
Tired of the holiday-food hangover? Had enough of the obligatory gluttony? Then it’s time to try the smarter, more intestinally friendly holiday feast. Turkey and Gravy, Wild Herb Stuffing, Brussels Sprouts, Cranberry and Pumpkin Pie—you can have it all! In mouthwatering, savory 12-fl.-oz. diet sodas! While your family’s getting all bloated and uncomfortable, you’ll be sippin’ pretty. Enjoy it any way . . .

All this for JUST $9.99!

Regis was DRINKING this swill. Poor Kelly looked like she was going to throw up. I kept thinking this is surely not real stuff. Well, folks it is. And when we went to Target today (as I always do on Wednesday) they had boxes of it for you purchasing pleasure.

I know I've said it before about other things, but I'm gonna say it again.


Happy Dance!

We got back from "town" about an hour ago. Wednesdays are a long day. Lullah has a hip-hop class in a town that's an hour away. She started last year. We decided to let her take it in addition to the classes she takes here on Mondays after realizing that she would be trapped in a car with me or the husband for an hour commute their and an hour back. He rarely takes her, but it happens. It has actually ended up being some very good chat time. There is NO scenery on the way. Lots of pine trees.

Today was a good day. I was a sack of poo and dozed on the couch until about 11:00. The DSL repairman showed up around 11:30. He FIXED THE DSL! Hooray! Y'all it has been such a huge pain in the ass. It will go down at the most random times. The husband especially likes it when he's online playing Call of Duty. He replaced the outside connections, so that may do the trick. We'll see. If we go one whole day without out it going down, we've had MAJOR improvement.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

A thanks.

I want to thank all of y'all that have commented on my recent rants. I never actually thought ANYONE would read my blog. I was just a way for me to vent, ramble etc without driving the hubby insane. So for y'all to take the time to not just read, but actually buck me up and offer words of wisdom and encouragement has really been a wonderful thing.

The last few days have been the final blow up after a long simmer. It has been...trying. Thank y'all for puttin' y'all's two cents worth in.

Damned DSL!

We have got the screwiest internet service. The DSL was down most of the weekend, except in spurts. It just randomly goes down very frequently. It was off ALL day today.

Seriously, I was getting kind of crabby.

Monday, November 07, 2005

A day I'm GLAD is over.

Lullah called from school and asked me to come and pull her out of class because she needed to talk to me.

Apparently the danceline sponsor is blaming the uniform snafu on one of the team members and Lullah, absolving the captain of any responsibility in the matter. In addition, the captain found Lullah this morning wanting to know if Lullah had choreographed a pep rally dance. (Lullah is teaching the field dance that she choreographed already).

Now, Lullah had choreographed every field dance and pep rally dance except 2. That's out of 13 dances. We had previously went to the sponsor and discussed this issue and were told to let the captain "fall on her face" and for Lullah to NOT take care of anymore dances. A solution I DID NOT approve of at all. I found it pretty heartless.

This morning Lullah went to the sponsor to discuss the above issues and was told that she and the other girl WERE responsible for the uniform snafu because they had said ANYTHING at all about the tops. Further more, that if the captain told Lullah to take care of the dance then she (Lullah) would be required to do so or she would get demerits. And so, I got a phone call from a tearful Lullah.

I went to the school and Lullah told me the above tale. I took her and we went to the office and had a meeting with the Principal and the Assistant Principal. We discussed the above issues, plus a few more. I could tell you everything, but it's be about 6 pages long. Seriously. The least issue being EXTREME disorganization (we miss deadlines, camp clothes aren't ordered etc) to one of the worst being the sponsors outright lying to parents.

TheP and the AP were both extremely concerned and I honestly felt/feel that they are going to address the issues. They asked that I put my concerns in writing, which I have done.

As I was leaving, one of the other moms was waiting in the office. It was the mother of the other girl being blamed for the uniform mess. This girl is frequently singled out by the sponsor as the cause of pretty much anything that goes wrong with the squad.

As Lullah and I left the office, the sponsor was coming out of the teachers' lounge. I stopped her and VERY nicely (no REALLY, I was nice) told her that Lullah couldn't do the pep rally dance. She gave me a horrible look and said "It's not my problem anymore. This is my letter of resignation." And walked off.

The above mom called me after her meeting. Apparently the sponsor barged into the principal's office while the mom was talking to him and handed him the letter and stood there glaring at the mom while he read it.

I think the mom of the girl from my previous post also made a trip to the school today.

The sponsor called the squad to the foyer of the school and informed them of her resignation. She told them that this week things would remain the same, but after Thursday they do not have a sponsor. This is technically not true. The co-sponsor hasn't resigned. She was IMHO trying to make them feel bad. One of the girls asked why she was resigning and she said she couldn't say at this time because it might hurt someone's feelings. (Is this woman 2 years old?)

Y'all I'm at a loss. I truly did not envision this woman resigning. I felt like by taking my concerns to the administration (after I have discussed them with her at different times) that maybe some things would change. I NEVER seen this coming.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Friday Night Cruelty

This has been a weird week that culminated in meanness last night. Maybe it's Halloween. I may be a tad verbose, so if you're in a hurry-skip me.

Tuesday morning the high school principal arrived to find the square TP'd,a picnic table in the tree in the center of the square and every lock on every door...super glued. He had to climb into a window to get into the school. I am a horrible person, but I secretly laughed. Out loud.

They managed to bully and threaten the student body into coughing up some names and eventually 4 boys came forward and confessed. I suspect that there are more boys involved, but these are the only 4 that will own up to it. The boys' parents are going to pay to replace the locks. Two of the boys were starters on the varsity football team and weren't allowed to play at the game Friday. They will also probably be required to attend alternative school for a looong time, in addition to regular school. So far, I have no objections. Here's the mean part...they (and their parents) were told that the boys could attend the football game, but would be required to sit on the opposing team's side. The administration said that our town didn't want or need them on our side. Two of the boys' mothers told me this. This same administration that last year allowed 4 boys who were arrested for shoplifting and drug possession on a Saturday night to PLAY the following Friday. Apparently "our town" has no problem with this type of activity, but pranks well that's another story. The same administration did nothing when 3 of the basketball girls placed 4 picnic tables on top of the canteen building damaging the roof. Inconsistent, don't you think.

Other meanness. The danceline. One of the danceline members' grandfather died Thursday(the funeral was this afternoon). At the pep rally the sponsor got onto the girl for using a flag that I made her for her birthday during the pep rally. (She also got onto our girls about 3 football games ago for cheering the team on, but I digress). The girl and her mom decided that she would dance at last night's game anyway. The mom thought it would be a good destraction and it was the last scheduled game. The mom checked the girl out at lunch to go to the funeral home and be with her family. The danceline captain decided to change the uniform that afternoon. She, nor the sponsor called the girl to let her know. She showed up in the wrong top. They live about 25 minutes from the school and had come straight from the funeral home. The sponsor jumped all over the child. Accused her of having an attitude and gave her a demerit. Nice, huh. The mom tried to talk to the sponsor and got yelled at and a finger shook in her face. This exchange occurred next to my car. I'm sure my jaw was in my lap. This same sponsor refused to allow two members to go to tutoring last week. I was present for that conversation as well.

Now the weirdness, I was reprimanded for NOT signing the permission slip I have previously ranted about. This remprimand came after I made the comment (AS I was signing the damned thing) that it was "the most on crack thing I've seen in awhile". I was a little sarcastic, but still I'm pretty sure that I'm not 6 anymore. Seriously, reprimanded. Told EXACTLY why it was necessary, ad nauseum.

And the football team got the crap kicked out of them. Friday night sucked.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Permission Slips

I thought I'd share in interesting tidbit with y'all. Lullah is on the danceline as you know. The school requires them to ride a bus to away games. A bus that we have to pay for. That's going to a game that all of the parents go to anyway. But I digress. Here is one of my favorite things about the bus ride. The permission slip. Not for her to ride the BUS, for her to ride HOME WITH ME. That's right. I have to sign and "permission slip and release of liability" for my child to ride with ME!

Here it is:
I _________,parent/guardian of____________ do desire for my child to ride home from _________________________(list activity and location, i.e. foot ball game at Caldwell Parish) on_______________(date) with me. I acknowledge that because the (our) Parish School Board will not be providing this transportation, they have no control over the person providing transportation. I hereby release the (our) Parish School Board from any and all
liability associated with the transportation of my child for this trip and do agree to hold the (our )Parish School Board harmless from and and all claims associated with this trip.

Y'all read it right. I have to give my daughter permission to ride home with ME!

Now, if I don't sign this are they going to prevent her from getting in my car? Are they going to physically prevent her from riding with me?

Seriously, I think it's messed up.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Now that I've survived...

Halloween is over. In case you hadn't noticed.

I've been thinking about it though. I loooove Halloween. I always have. My mom can not stand it. Hates it. For no reason, she just does. She isn't overly religious so that's not why. She just doesn't like it, at all.

On the way home Saturday we drove through a small town near our even smaller town. There were about 6 people holding signs on the side of the road. The signs included...Fall Festivals are a compromise to Satan and my personal favorite Jesus Vomits Lukewarm Christians (how's that for a visual). I can understand people not wanting to participate in Halloween. If it's not your thing, then don't. What I don't understand is the interest in the last few years on whole heartedly bashing those of us who enjoy it.

A number of the churches here are vehemently against Halloween. It encourages a curiosity in witchcraft etc. Now, y'all, there ain't exactly a burgeoning coven that I'm aware of here in town. I could be wrong though. I understand that Halloween tends to bring out the idiot in some people (like the kids that superglued the locks at the high school last night). But some of my most vivid memories are Halloween related. I was the best Wonder Women EVER! AND the best Princess Barbie EVER. Thank you very much.

The lady who made popcorn balls and candied apples was always our first stop. (did everyone have that lady in their town?) She put them on her pool table and would let you pick your own. Y'all I've been to the Guggenheim and the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I've seen sunsets and rainbows. I've seen new born babies and new brides. I have seen the fall leaves in all their glory. Y'all get the point. But I have yet to see anything as beautiful as that lady's pool table on Halloween. She turned out the room lights and left the light over the pool table on. Those treats were illuminated from above. Almost, I dare say, a heavenly light.

Halloween will never be about evil to me. It will always be princesses and Wonder Woman. Witches yes, but extremely cute and sweet ones. Or sexy as I've gotten older. Halloween will always be that excitement I felt when we turned up the drive of the pool table house. Snickers bars, peanut butter cups, Halloween carnivals and cake walks. That's Halloween.