Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The 21st night, September...

This is the second email I sent to friends over the weekend after the march.
Do you remember the 21st night September?
Love was changing the minds of pretenders,
while chasing the clouds away...

How many times have I danced in the kitchen with Claire to this song? It's become something of a theme song for us. It was, however especially poignant to think of the words Friday night.

Thursday, September 20 came and went. The buses rolled out of town, leaving a confused town in their wake. Friday night we sat in the football stands and watched our kids play ball. Black and white. The night after the march. The 21st night of September.

Love was changing the minds of pretenders...

Could it be possible that love could change the minds of the pretenders (Sharpton, Jackson)? Could love chase the clouds of hatred away?

I think of Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson and I weep for them. They seem to thrive on finding evil. Instead standing for the good things and making heroes of honorable young black men and women, they came here and vilified our town and bestowed heroism upon young men who do not deserve such accolades. Jackson, Sharpton and their ilk pretend to care for their fellow African Americans, I don't see that their actions follow their words.

The pretenders in the media came here expecting (possibly hoping for) a riot. What they got instead was a peaceful rally. The town of Jena opened it's streets for the marchers and were gracious hosts. The marchers came and protested and were gracious guests. The media pretends to want the truth, yet they report half-truths and twisted facts in hopes of what?

While chasing the clouds away...

The clouds of fear, the clouds of hate. Love for each other, love for our neighbor, love for the guy two blocks over. That's what will make the clouds go away.

On Thursday, we as a town took a step in the right direction. The media, the marchers and the world expected us to line the streets spewing evil at the marchers. They were wrong. We did just the opposite. I know people who opened their homes to marchers, I know people who opened their hearts to the marchers.

Love was changing the minds...

So, on the 21st night of September I sat in the bleachers at Ferriday and made a vow to myself. I will not let the pretenders change me. I will not let the pretenders change who I am. I will however, continue to try to let love rule my actions and my life.

Thoughts on Sept 20

I'm outing myself a bit here. I'm from Jena.

I wrote this as an email on September 19. Isent it to some friends who live out of state and thought I'd publish it here in case anyone still checks in on my blog. It's been pretty awful at times living here and knowing the truth. I've sat an watched news reports and couldn't believe the inaccuracies.

Thankfully the march came and went without incedent. The marchers were very gracious and nice, the people who live here were as well. It was nice to see that 15,000-20,000 people (more people than are in our entire parish) exercise their right to demonstrate. I take heart that it can be done without violence.

So for those of y'all still reading and checking in on me. Here's my email.

Thoughts on September 20
Tomorrow there will be more people in Jena than I ever thought possible.Weirdness and wonder.That's the two words that come to mind about tomorrow. I can't imagine what the day will bring, hence the wonder. I can't imagine that I sat on my floor and watched news anchor after news anchor talk about Jena, hence the weirdness.

I can't know what tomorrow will bring.

These are the things I DO know.
- The media has painted a rotten picture of us. I can't help but take it personally.
- I will never again wholly believe what I see on the evening news or read in the paper. Ever.
- I had to reassure my daughter that things will be ok tomorrow. I don't know for sure that they will be ok. I don't like feeling like I've lied to her.
- There ARE racists in this town. Thankfully, they are the minority.
- The boys accused of beating Justin Barker were NOT nice boys who made poor decisions that day. They are thugs. Ask their teachers. Ask their neighbors. Ask the elderly people in their neighborhood that they terrorized. Ask the judges who presided over their juvenile cases.
And lastly, I know:- We will never be the same after this is over.

My brother-in-law will be on duty downtown for the march. I'll be working at one of the hospitals in the parish. My co-workers will be manning ambulances at the courthouse tomorrow. I have friends who are law enforcement officers and will be on duty tomorrow. I'm worried.

I pray for a peaceful day. I pray for safety.

I also pray that the stupid redneck white people all get flat tires and have to stay home. I pray that the violent people all get horrific diarrhea and have to stay home. I pray that those with evil intentions get lost and end up right back where they started.

I also pray for the safety of those who are coming. Some genuinely believe that the Jena 6 have been wronged. They are misinformed, but their hearts are in the right place. Some of those coming truly care for their fellow man and want to make a difference. They don't know they've been lied to and misled. It should give us some glimmer of hope that people can care enough to attempt to make a difference.

I pray for the young men who committed this crime. They are the center of a storm. Hopefully at some point, they will admit their culpability in the creation of that storm. However in the mean time, I pray for them.

I pray for the Barkers. Tomorrow will be difficult for them I'd imagine. They have been much more stoic than I think I could have been. I pray for their continued strength.

It's been difficult to see my town portrayed as a haven of racism. It's been difficult to hear the misinformation and sometimes downright lies about Jena and the Jena 6.
I have to believe that when the day is done tomorrow, somewhere there will be a blessing. I can't believe that all this has been for nothing.

So, tonight and tomorrow, please keep us in your prayer and thoughts.

Monday, August 07, 2006

I've been such a sack of poo when it comes to blogging. I've been working trying to get the bills paid and when I finally get home I just crash. What time I have, I spend with Mike and Lullah (and the cats.)

Things are ok with Mike and I. There are times it's still weird. Last week was particularly bad. We weren't able to pay as much on the bills as usual. I had taken off to go to camp with Lullah and hadn't been able to work. It'll be a long time before he completely forgives me and I just wish it would happen yesterday. Sigh.

The summer has sucked. Lullah and I usually lay around in the pool and watch movies. We didn't even open the pool. It needs a new liner and Mike said we couldn't afford it, so it's just kinda out there looking sad and green.

I had been on contract with the hospital. I worked 12 hour shifts Wednesday and Thursday one week, then 12 hour shifts Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday the next. With the drive time (an hour either way) it ends up being pretty exhausting. Thankfully, we have really seen a dip in the bill total. Maybe when we get it all paid, I'll come clean with y'all too.

I'm just embarrassed and mad at myself about the whole thing.

Lullah's 16th birthday was last week and I've been feeling so guilty that we couldn't do her party and presents like had envisioned since she was born. Car with a bow, huge cake, new dresses- not an MTV episode worthy party- but something pretty cool. Instead-no car, small cake, just family at the party.

To all of y'all who drop in, even though I've been slacking, thanks for checking in on me. I'm trying to get my life back in order. It's slow going, but at least it's going!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

One foot in the grave...

Mike's aunt died Friday. She was absolutely one the greatest women ever placed on this planet. If I am at any point in my life HALF the kind, gentle, wise, loving person that she was, then I will have accomplished more than I was capable of.

However...this post isn't about Aunt Barbara. It's about Lullah. And her innate inability to walk and chew gum at the same time. And her uncanny luck.

Back story... Lullah broke her leg TWICE her fourth grade year. The first time a spiral fracture of her tibia. Thankfully WITNESSED by multiple people and we were NOWHERE on the scene otherwise the child protection folks would have been on us within minutes of our hitting the ER doors. The second a small fracture on the lower end of the bone she sustained after she fell down...while walking. She's a bit clumsy, in case you were wondering. A wonderful dancer, but walking...well.

Y'all she fell into an open grave Sunday afternoon. Feet first. It was raining and suddenly her umbrella went South. How much therapy are we going to have to cover now?

There was another funeral after Aunt Barbara's and the funeral home had dug both graves and put a piece of plywood over the second grave to keep the rainwater out. Lullah and her cousin started to walk across it to get to Aunt Barbara's gravesite. Zach made it across. Lullah-swish.
She managed to catch herself so she didn't hit bottom. If she had she would surely have been injured. Thankfully, she's just bruised and a little scratched up. (her ego and her feet and legs)

She's had a great sense of humor about it. Thank goodness.

Oh, and y'all sister girl never lost her heels.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

I had a revelation...

I absolutely hate my frigging yard.

It really wasn't a revelation, I've been aware of this fact since we bought the damn house six years ago. The first summer I trimmed hedges was my first clue that a professional landscaper was NOT involved in the planning. We hauled off 6 truckloads of limbs.

And that was only the back row of hedges.

If let go, my back yard turns into a jungle. Well, we sorta let it go last summer. I spent all day trimming hedges. I freaking hate hedges. I'm seriously thinking that concrete would be realllllly pretty.

On a happy note...

We restrung my clothes line yesterday. I have line dried sheets tonight. YES!

Friday, May 12, 2006


I cried at work today.

My patient had dressing changes ordered every 4 hours. For me-10am, 2pm and 6 pm.

I had done this patient's dressing change for the third time in as many hours. As I was putting on the last piece of tape, the surgeon came in and said "oh good, I need to look at that". So, we took it off.

From 10 am until 6 pm I change said dressing 5 times. The last four times from 2:00 pm until 6:00pm. Let me add that it hurt the patient like hell every time I had to do it. AND she never bitched about it once. We've been doing dressing changes on her for 18 days and she never bitches about it EVER.

I cried at work today. Like a big ole tit.

In the midst of my afternoon around 5ish, Lullah called completely pissed off. She made Mastery instead of Advanced on the first part of the graduate exit exam. Honors day was Tuesday and for the first time ever, she didn't get a trophy for all A's. She got the A-B certificate. And she's still upset about her ACT scores from April, so I think this just put the candles on her cake. She is entirely too worried about her test scores. She's a sophomore for pete's sake.

Any advise to help prevent ulcers, hers AND mine, will be greatly appreciated.

*btw-in my opinion, she did very well on the ACT (especially for a sophomore).

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Oh, how I hate to get up in the morning...

I heard that song on XM this morning in the car.

It's 11:50 pm right now.

My alarm is set for 4:30am. I have to work tomorrow 7a-7p and I'm WIDE awake.

Do you know how much tomorrow is going to blow?

As Irving put it...

Oh how I hate to get up in the morning.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Home again, home again...

the gates of hell stayed closed today apparently. Today did suck, but not as much as I was afraid it would. I got home about 20 minutes ago. I left the hospital at 8:15, later than I'd like, but not too horrible. I go back for more tomorrow. Yippee.

I got yelled at by a patient for not letting her leave the floor to go to the gift shop and "look around".

FYI Mrs. ______ ...the staff isn't supposed to let you leave the floor without a doctors written order. It ain't my fault. It's hospital policy. I'm not just being a bitch. Oh, and you're REALLY not supposed to leave the floor if you're on BLOOD THINNERS!!!! aaaargh.

And after you've yelled at me, crying like you're a five year old isn't going to change my mind.