Tuesday, December 27, 2005

We survived...

We started Christmasing on the 23rd and finished last night. Whew!

We went to Mike's parents on the 23rd. It's always fun. In addition to our regular presents we exchange dollar gifts. The rules are you have to buy a gift for everyone (except yourself) and it cannot cost more than a dollar. We have more fun buying and exchanging these gifts than we do all of the others. Mike and Lullah always take a day the week before Christmas and go buy their dollar gifts.

Lullah raked in the gifts as usual. I always end up getting her more than I'd planned on. It's easy to do.

I got my Chanel No. 5 stash replenished, so I'm happy. And I smell nice too.

I plan to give y'all a better update later.

I hope everyone had a great holiday.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Gilmore Girls and baking...

The last few days have been spent in a purchasing haze. I took my car in for repairs and Lullah, my mom and I spent the day finishing purchasing Christmas presents. Now I have to wrap them all.

Lullah and I baked today. Magic Bars and sausage balls. Yum. We delivered them to some friends, her "not-a-boyfriend" guy friend, and Mike's parents. Now we are going to sit down for a Gilmore Girl frenzy. Season 5, yaaaaay! We're sad.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Not very sweet at all...

Yesterday morning sucked. Lullah came into the kitchen and asked for some orange juice because her blood sugar was low. She was shaky and pale.

After 16 ounces of orange juice we checked her blood sugar. It was 34. SHIIIIIT! was the word that my mind was screaming. We get nervous when it gets below 70. We treat it immediately if it's below 65. 34 is seriously low. Seizure low. Holy crap low. I managed to stay calm and got the glucagon injection just in case she actually seized. She was shaking all over, she does this weird head jerk thing when she's super low. It's extremely scary.

After more orange juice and some graham crackers she was finally 90. She was also nauseated and exhausted. When she gets low it completely wipes her out.

Once the crisis had passed she said to me "I hate this shit."

I concur.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

diabetes sucks...

I've been so frustrated the last few days that I can't hardly see straight.

Last week we got a letter from Lullah's endocrinologist with her lab results. Her HgA1C was 9.6%. It's a test that measures a persons average blood sugar for the last 3 months. Her blood sugars are NOT in control. The results for the last 3 visits (we go every 3 months) have been about the same, in the 9% range. The target goal is 7% or less.

The thing is, I'm pretty sure she isn't taking her insulin like she's supposed to. I think she randomly chooses her doses. She takes minimum of 4 shots a day. Her morning dose is an intermediate acting insulin(NPH) mixed with a sliding dose of a fast acting insulin(Humalog). She takes a sliding dose of the fast acting insulin at lunch and supper. She takes a long acting insulin(Lantus) at bedtime. She's supposed to decide the sliding dose based on the number of carbs she's going to eat. I think she's shorting the dose. In addition, she isn't taking the amount the MD prescribed for her am NPH or the evening Lantus dose.

It's been a long time since I've felt this helpless. She has to be the one responsible for her diabetes care, but she's not doing well. If I take over, she's going to end up resenting me for it. Also, I can't be the one to take care of her everywhere she goes. She's not 8 anymore.

I talked to her Friday night about the serious consequences of not getting her levels in control. Blindness, kidney failure (ending up on dialysis), amputation, heart disease. We've talked about it before, but not in depth because we didn't want to instill fear or hopelessness in her. But the reality of diabetes is that if you don't take care of it, you WILL end up with some really serious health problems. There's no maybe.

For a 15 year old, I guess those things seem like scary bedtime stories. But, for me the monster waiting in the dark is very real.

Mike thinks she's in denial. That she's trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy. If she does just what she's supposed to do and doesn't think about diabetes then, she's just like all the other kids. He's probably right. I also think she's afraid of her blood sugar getting low and acting foolish or having a seizure in front of everyone. Which also goes back to wanting to be normal.

I am so afraid and helpless right now that I feel like I can't breathe. I HATE DIABETES!!!!!!!!! I am being irrational, I know. This is a manageable disease and things could always be worse, but I'm so pissed about the whole mess.

I hate the bruises on Lullah's stomach from the shots, I hate that there isn't a cookie in my house, I hate the tiny specks on Lullah's fingers from the fingersticks, I hate the box of insulin in my refrigerator, I hate that every purse we buy Lullah needs pockets for her damn meter, I hate that food is a major topic of discussion at least once a day at my house, I hate the bottle of used syringes in my kitchen, I hate the look that people get on their face when the find out she has diabetes, I hate the food police that question her when she's eating something they think she shouldn't. I hate it. I just do.

And I don't know what to do.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

My week is crazy...

so here's one of my favorite Calvin and Hobbs cartoons.

I love Calvin.

Monday, December 05, 2005

My Dad called this morning...

and he was telling me about a funeral he attended Saturday.

One of his friend's sister lived in the 9th ward in New Orleans and had been missing since the flood. She had decided to not evactuate. Like a lot of people, she'd evacuated before for what had ended up being a false alarm. And like a lot of people she felt the levees would be fine. Noone had heard from her since the night before the hurricane. Her son had went back about a month ago to look for her again, but found no sign of her. The family was in limbo and worried.

A week ago, they went back and did a more thorough check. They found her remains in her attic. She most likely drowned there.

I can't imagine a death like that.

In the midst of all the rhetoric and finger pointing that's happening down there we can't forget that real people died. There are still people searching for their loved ones.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

aaah, Saturday...

I love lazy Saturdays.

This week has been crazy.

My sister-in-law came over most of Monday and all of Tuesday for my help with an English paper. (I may one day blog about that, but for now let me just say...I've got some issues with the English class).

After she left Monday I started to put lights on the Christmas tree. It fell on my head. The stand was kaput. I made a flying trip to town (an hour away-no stands here that were big enough) for a new one. Picked Lullah up after dance line practice, dropped her home and went to play practice.(I'm Jeanette in "The Last of the Red Hot Lovers") Mike took her to dance class and picked her up (whew). Got home, we fixed the tree. Then I found out I only had one strand of lights for a gigantic tree.

Tuesday the SIL was here until 5:15pm. I left her here and went to the local WalMart. I had to be at practice at 6. After practice I once again started decorating the tree.

Wednesday is dance class for Lullah (an hour away).

Thursday was dress rehearsal for the play.

Friday was the town Christmas parade (I did the music for the dance line, the high school cheerleaders, the jr. high school cheerleaders and the dance studio that Lullah dances at). I left the parade and went for our first play performance. Home at 10:15 after stopping by Popeyes for a biscuit. Oh and the ex-danceline sponsor is a charter member of our local community theatre. Yeah, she was there. It was weird.

So...I love lazy Saturdays.

And then LSU got the crap kicked out of them.


Buttercup is seriously depressed now.

Thursday, December 01, 2005