How do you regain someone's trust?
I had justified my lies by telling myself that Mike would leave if he knew the truth. The lie almost caused my marriage to crumble. I created the very thing that I was terrified would happen. I'm ashamed that I had so little faith in Mike.
He seriously considered divorcing me. The first weeks after the truth about the bills were horrible. But things have gotten better.
I have went back to work full time. Fate stepped in and the agency that I work for offered me a 13 week contract that guaranteed a minimum of 36 hours per week. I took it. We actually got money BACK this year from the IRS. For now, I bring home every receipt and we go over it. The first few weeks, Mike went on every shopping trip with me. Superfluous purchases are a thing of the past for now.
We sit and pay the bills together twice a month. Paying the bills was an act of torture for me before. I would have anxiety attacks after I finished. I felt like it was black and white proof that I was a terrible person.
Things are better. The debt is slowly disappearing. I actually feel semi-ok about myself again.
I don't know what the next few months will hold, but I do know that I am finally NOT a big fat liar anymore.
2 comments:
I kept checking here to see how you were. I'm glad to know that things are ok and that y'all are working it out.
I've been in financial straits and I know how awful it makes you feel. Just know that you can make it to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Glad to hear that your starting to get back on track.
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