Tuesday, May 16, 2006

I had a revelation...

I absolutely hate my frigging yard.

It really wasn't a revelation, I've been aware of this fact since we bought the damn house six years ago. The first summer I trimmed hedges was my first clue that a professional landscaper was NOT involved in the planning. We hauled off 6 truckloads of limbs.

And that was only the back row of hedges.

If let go, my back yard turns into a jungle. Well, we sorta let it go last summer. I spent all day trimming hedges. I freaking hate hedges. I'm seriously thinking that concrete would be realllllly pretty.

On a happy note...

We restrung my clothes line yesterday. I have line dried sheets tonight. YES!

Friday, May 12, 2006

Tears...

I cried at work today.

My patient had dressing changes ordered every 4 hours. For me-10am, 2pm and 6 pm.

I had done this patient's dressing change for the third time in as many hours. As I was putting on the last piece of tape, the surgeon came in and said "oh good, I need to look at that". So, we took it off.

From 10 am until 6 pm I change said dressing 5 times. The last four times from 2:00 pm until 6:00pm. Let me add that it hurt the patient like hell every time I had to do it. AND she never bitched about it once. We've been doing dressing changes on her for 18 days and she never bitches about it EVER.

I cried at work today. Like a big ole tit.

In the midst of my afternoon around 5ish, Lullah called completely pissed off. She made Mastery instead of Advanced on the first part of the graduate exit exam. Honors day was Tuesday and for the first time ever, she didn't get a trophy for all A's. She got the A-B certificate. And she's still upset about her ACT scores from April, so I think this just put the candles on her cake. She is entirely too worried about her test scores. She's a sophomore for pete's sake.

Any advise to help prevent ulcers, hers AND mine, will be greatly appreciated.


*btw-in my opinion, she did very well on the ACT (especially for a sophomore).

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Oh, how I hate to get up in the morning...

I heard that song on XM this morning in the car.

It's 11:50 pm right now.

My alarm is set for 4:30am. I have to work tomorrow 7a-7p and I'm WIDE awake.

Do you know how much tomorrow is going to blow?

As Irving put it...

Oh how I hate to get up in the morning.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Home again, home again...

the gates of hell stayed closed today apparently. Today did suck, but not as much as I was afraid it would. I got home about 20 minutes ago. I left the hospital at 8:15, later than I'd like, but not too horrible. I go back for more tomorrow. Yippee.

I got yelled at by a patient for not letting her leave the floor to go to the gift shop and "look around".

FYI Mrs. ______ ...the staff isn't supposed to let you leave the floor without a doctors written order. It ain't my fault. It's hospital policy. I'm not just being a bitch. Oh, and you're REALLY not supposed to leave the floor if you're on BLOOD THINNERS!!!! aaaargh.

And after you've yelled at me, crying like you're a five year old isn't going to change my mind.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Just an egg...

Mike's grandmother that passed away last Saturday was 98. She'd have been 99 in December. She outlived two husbands and two of her six children. She'd lived home alone until two years ago.

Picture a grandmother. What a stereotypical grandmother looks like. Cotton housedress, wire rimmed glasses, grey bun, a jar of peppermint sticks on top of the refrigerator (the yummy soft kind). Now you know what Mawmaw looked like.

The last summer she was still living home, Mike's parents went out of town. It somehow got left to us to go gather the eggs from her henhouse and close the coop door at night. I told her I thought it was sad to take the only thing the poor hen owned.

"It's just an egg," she said, "and really that's all any of us have. Just an egg."

Not quite sure what the wisdom was, but there ya go.

Just an egg, grasshopper.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Life 7a-7p...

I am off until Monday! Hip hip hooray!

I had two, count them TWO days in a row that DIDN'T suck! It makes me very nervous for Monday. God help me if next week is anything like last week.

Last week I was: puked on, called a cocksucker, a lazy bitch, a useless sack of shit (these are the nicer things I was called), bled on and peed on and had a patient die. All before 8 am, last Monday. I didn't leave the hospital until after 9pm. Tuesday, Friday and Saturday-not much better. Yeah, I was seriously considering a change in career. Last week sucked in ways I had never before considered work sucking.

And Mike's grandmother died early Saturday morning and her funeral was Sunday. I was reaaaaallly glad last week finally ended.

Yesterday was a little hectic. I didn't leave the hospital until 8pm. Today, I actually left at 7:14pm. The gates of hell must be scheduled to open at 6:44am next Monday. That's the only explanation I can think of.

Monday, May 01, 2006

The aftermath...

How do you regain someone's trust?

I had justified my lies by telling myself that Mike would leave if he knew the truth. The lie almost caused my marriage to crumble. I created the very thing that I was terrified would happen. I'm ashamed that I had so little faith in Mike.

He seriously considered divorcing me. The first weeks after the truth about the bills were horrible. But things have gotten better.

I have went back to work full time. Fate stepped in and the agency that I work for offered me a 13 week contract that guaranteed a minimum of 36 hours per week. I took it. We actually got money BACK this year from the IRS. For now, I bring home every receipt and we go over it. The first few weeks, Mike went on every shopping trip with me. Superfluous purchases are a thing of the past for now.

We sit and pay the bills together twice a month. Paying the bills was an act of torture for me before. I would have anxiety attacks after I finished. I felt like it was black and white proof that I was a terrible person.

Things are better. The debt is slowly disappearing. I actually feel semi-ok about myself again.

I don't know what the next few months will hold, but I do know that I am finally NOT a big fat liar anymore.