I'm a liar...

and now Mike knows it.

I came clean about the credit cards. He's so mad at me right now that he can't even look me in the eye. It's horrible.

He says he isn't sure he can stay married to me.

My world has fallen apart. And it's my fault.

I don't even have the words to express how I'm feeling right now. I flip flop between complete despair and overwhelming anxiety.

I want to just run away. I never wanted to be this person. I never wanted to be a liar. And yet, here I sit. In my lies.

I hate myself so much right now, I can't stand me. How can I expect him to ever forgive me? I'm not sure he ever will.

I pray, almost constantly, that somehow he will be able to.

Please pray for us too.

Blue.

To channel Holly GoLightly-I have got a case of the reds.

Blue doesn't cover it. I am morose and anti-social. I am terrifically unpleasant feeling lately.

I'm overwhelmed. I'm sad. I'm aggravated. I'm just in an all around shitty mood.

And I don't see the clouds lifting in the very near future.

Damn.